


A Lack of Punctuality

by ThunderCant



Category: Biohazard | Resident Evil (Gameverse)
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Zombies, F/M, Porn, Porn Star AU, Spanking, some truly awful dialogue
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-23
Updated: 2019-03-22
Packaged: 2019-11-28 07:00:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,408
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18205064
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThunderCant/pseuds/ThunderCant
Summary: The best way to start a new job is totally hungover and extremely horny, at least if your name is Leon.





	A Lack of Punctuality

 

Leon was reasonably certain he was breaking at least one law, considering how he was driving. It was all because of last night; his girlfriend said that she wanted a man’s man and left him alone in the bar, and then Leon decided to _prove_ he was a man’s man (to himself) by drinking a fuck-load of booze, and he still wasn’t sure how he got into bed. The only thing he knew was that his alarm clock had failed him, and he was late for his new job, and he was probably still over the legal limit.

All in all, it wasn’t a good start for a first day at work. Especially not for a police officer. And Raccoon City was proving to be some sort of disaster for a hungover man to navigate.

There were roadblocks upon roadblocks, traffic, signs caked with graffiti and drivers that had as much respect for others as they had for an ant’s nest. At this rate, he was never going to find the RPD. Hell, at this rate, he was going to be a strawberry smear on the side of the road.

Just as he was about to pullover and beg one of the buildings for a phone, he saw it. A flickering sign, like a beacon in the rain, saying ‘police’ to the world. Leon breathed a sigh of relief. Finally. It was dingy and small but there _was_ an officer outside.

He parked around the back, running out to meet the officer. Her lips were turned down, eyes hidden behind her sunglasses, but she held her shoulders square and tight.

“I’m so sorry,” Leon huffed as he stopped in front of her, “I- something happened last night, and then I got lost and-“

She held up her hand, dismissive. Leon shut up.

“You’re very late. We’ve been waiting for hours.”

“I know.” Leon hung his head. “Sorry. I promise I’m not usually this bad.”

“Well, we’ll have to see if you can make up for it, hmm? There were some _special_ tasks we were going to save for the next guy, but if you’d really like to be forgiven…”

“Uh, yes, yes ma’am!” he paused. “I’m sorry, I don’t know your name-“

That made her turn around, pulling her sunglasses down to her nose so Leon could _see_ her raise an eyebrow. He squirmed.

“Ada.” She said. “Ada Wong. God, you really are clueless, aren’t you?”

Her gaze was making him sweat. He held it for another second before looking away, face warm. Leon mumbled out another apology. Ada tutted at him, reaching up to pat his cheek like he was a contrite dog.

Which just made him feel even hotter.

“Come on then, let’s not waste time. We have everything set up already.”

 

The police station was hideous and well lit, the tacky and aging décor made all the more stark by the bright lights around it. It didn’t look much like a police station, really. It looked more like five interior decorators had gotten into a fight about what direction to take the area. But given that he was already on thin ice, he kept his comments to himself. Ada came to a stop in front of the desk.

“Alright, I’ve got your uniform here.” Ada dumped a load of flimsy cloth into his arms. “Go get dressed. Remember, there’s cameras rolling, so just act natural. Go with the flow.”

Cameras? Well, he supposed that made sense. Security and everything. There was a small place where he could change, apparently set up just behind some of the lights. The changing rooms must’ve been under renovation or something- it was a pretty dingy building. Perhaps they were moving elsewhere?

The uniform was way too small on him, buttons and seams all straining against his chest, trying to keep his muscles in check. To say nothing of the pants- well, they were closer to shorts, hugging his ass and thighs and pressing awkwardly against his dick. He was sure that if he dared to pop a boner they would fly off. Hell, if his nipples went stiff the shirt would probably explode. They throbbed proudly against the fabric.

He scratched at it as he came out from behind the screen, trying to pull the fabric out of his crack.

“Is it a- aah, summer uniform?”

Ada snickered at him.

“Something like that, pretty boy.” She curled her finger at him, pleased when he started walking towards her. “Why don’t you let me have a look at you?”

“Er- alright, ma’am?”

“That’s right. Good boy.” She circled to his back, dusting touches over his tight shoulders, tickling along the scratchy fabric. “Oh, this does suit you. I can see how you got…high scores at the academy.”

“…Thanks?” Leon shuffled. “Erm, is there any…paperwork that I have to fill out? A tour?”

“In time. Why don’t you reach over that desk and fetch your documents? I think it’s only fair.” She gave him a light shove and Leon squawked, ass pushed out, proudly, as he stumbled over the desk next to them. Ada was leaning over him, tits pressed into his back, hand rubbing down the bubbly curve of his ass.

Leon was certain that was not proper conduct. He tried to say as much.

“I don’t-“

_Slap!_

It ricocheted off the walls, ringing in his ears before the sting caught up with him. He could feel the warmth of her hand through the cheap fabric, rubbing where she’d hit him.

“What was that for?!”

“You need to fill out the paperwork! Pain tolerance is an important part of the inspection!” She smacked him again, sharp and hard. “If you keep questioning everything I do, I’ll have to move to the cavity inspection before you’re warmed up!”

To prove her point, she slid her hands past his pants, impossibly smooth against his backside, fingers dipping down to his crack. He gulped.

He hadn’t been expecting that. It was like all the weight around him crashed down all at once, her tits on his back, stinging ass melting together with the soft, teasing fingers that were starting to rub against his hole. It was unprofessional at best, harassment at worst, and god it was going straight to his dick.

Leon slumped his head against the paperwork and tried to get his bearings. Right. Pretty woman exploring his butt. Boner ready to burst out of the godforsaken uniform. A surprising lack of other officers and a truly incredible lack of professionalism on all sides.

“Hey,” Ada whispered, face close to his, “Put on a show, will you? I told you, the cameras are rolling.”

Realisation hit him in much the same way that her hand hit his ass- delayed, stinging, and just a bit humiliating. Leon groaned.

Ada hissed something to someone, probably through a hidden mic, before pulling her hands out of his shorts and sitting him up. “Alright, cameras are off. What’s wrong? Please don’t tell me you have performance anxiety, we paid a lot of money to get you on the set- I don’t think there’s anyone else that could take ‘X’ on short notice-“

“This isn’t the RPD, is it?”

She cocked her head at him.

“…Pardon?”

Leon gestured around.

“This place. Isn’t the RPD, is it?”

She had the decency to look at least a little bit sheepish as she looked around. “It’s…sort of meant to be based on it, I think. I’m not in charge of set design, I just act in them-“

Her voice faded as she watched Leon flop onto his back, pressing a hand onto his face and screaming, softly.

“Erm- not to complain, but we only have this set for a short while, and I’m pretty sure my producer isn’t happy with you.”

“I’m a cop.”

“Well, yes.”

“No.” Leon said, finally sitting up. “I’m a _cop_. A police officer. I was meant to start today and I’m late because I made some _god-awful_ decisions and somehow got the station confused with a _porn set_? Fuck everything.”

Ada blinked. There was an awful part of him that was pleased someone else could share in the misery, however mild. Late, hungover and now there was explicit footage of him getting fooled by the world’s most obvious costume.

God, he deserved to get fired. No wonder his girlfriend had dumped him.

“Fuck.” Ada said, hopping up onto the table.

“Yep. Fuck.”

**Author's Note:**

> Maybe I will continue this with a scene where they bang...once I know what I wanna write properly.


End file.
